Sincerity

I'm not a sincere person. Mostly, if I'm helping someone, I would remember it and if someday I need their help, I might mention about the help that I performed earlier or if I don't mention it, I will grumble in my heart.

Although I know this is not a good thing, I still did it anyway.
Until I've got a lesson one day.

I've got a fight with my someone close to me that just get a fortune, and my insincere is pop up, as I mention I help her when she's not as lucky as now. And she revert back with a sentences that just caught me instantly, that I've done a terribble mistakes.
She mention about I don't have any influence for her, and I didn't help her when she need it me most and that I only dream if I think I have a meritorious to her.

I'm shock. I'm hurt. I do realize, that she only reply the hurt that I've given her on the first place.
Still..I'm shock. It's hurting me deep enough.

In the same time it made me realize, that I cannot count on anyone. If I want to help, just help and forget about it. I shouldn't mention about it at all ever again. If your left hand gives, don't let your right hand knows.

And after all, Allah knows. And who will be able to give better response then Allah?

Although I already come into this conclusion, I still have the wounds. I just don't want to have anything to do with her ...for the time being. Sometimes words really hurts you deeper then a sword.
I still pray for her though, so she will always get a good life forever. After all I do love her and never want her to suffer.